“She kept a low profile, but she didn’t have anybody fooled…” 

This is what the resource officer from my high school told my husband when we ran into him at a restaurant a few years ago.

And it was spot on.

My teenage years were definitely my darkest, as most would also agree. Like the officer from my high school said, I didn’t get into big trouble, but I wasn’t the leader of the youth group at church either. And truth be told, I was way more screwed up than that description even alludes to.

I will spare the details of my sin for my mama’s sake, but I will say I was far away from God. I questioned the truth I had professed to believe when I went forward at the little Baptist  church when I was eleven to receive Christ. I can still hear the choir singing “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” holding their hymnals now. I can still feel the lump in my throat and the release of burning tears on my cheeks.

But then, I walked away. Far away, searching for the love I already had.

But He was there the whole time.

Romans 5:6-8
“When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 7 Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.”

He was there, in the deep, dark days of sin. Of lies, of empty relationships based on lust instead of love, and in the pitch black moments I found myself in and wondered, feeling like I was having an out of body experience, looking in at my situation asking myself,

“How on earth did I end up HERE?”

But it was then at my most shameful moment,

That he let them spit in his face.

That he endured the whips with hooks on the end, pulling out his skin.

That he felt the thorns push through his scalp.

That he followed through in obedience as the nails were hammered  through his wrists into the wood.

He sees the whole span of time, and he saw me at my darkest, most shameful moment and at that moment in history when he took his last breath,

And He loved me.

And He loved you.

When we were utterly helpless, at our

darkest.

His love still meets us in our everyday lowest points. He beacons us, calling us back to him in love. Remembering how he loved us at our darkest helps us stay living in his light.

*This post correlates with the “Love Letters from God” bible study, Week 4 (How Deep), Day 1.

Love Letter From God:

Love Letter to God:

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