What happened the day I doubted…


My college BFF and I were driving home from our other BFF’s wedding in my bright red ’99 Volkswagen beetle, reminiscing about the special weekend we had spent as her bridesmaids and reflecting on our lives in general. It was one of those good long talks that only happen on road trips with the ones you are closest to.  Our conversation got pretty deep, and we started talking about God.  This was nothing new for us, we both loved Jesus, studied our bibles together, and had grown quite crazy about him since our wilder younger days. But we got into some pretty deep theological discussion this time, and all of the sudden, it hit me.

A dark, heavy feeling of DOUBT.  

I silently prayed about it as I heard her continue to speak what was on her heart.

“Lord, am I really asking myself these questions?  Are you really REAL?  If you are, please show me a sign.”  

The thoughts were threatening to suffocate me if I tried to keep them in.  So I spoke them.

I asked my friend, “But how do we really know for SURE that Jesus is REAL?” 

She very sweetly tried to soothe my anxious heart with her own testimony.  As soon as she finished talking, we neared an intersection.  I looked up at the road sign between the stoplights.  I will never forget what it said:


  I was literally at the intersection of FAITH RD and Highway 52 in Salisbury, NC but spiritually I was at the crossroads of faith and doubt.  I had whispered to him in my heart to show me he was real, and he did.

Does the bible challenge us to have faith even without seeing?  Yes.

But God knows our hearts.  He knows when we are having doubts, and he loves us so much, that we can be honest with him and he will meet us where are in our lack of faith.

He did this for Thomas in John Chapter 20:

27 “Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” 


Thomas must have been one those “touchy feely” people; a hands on learner.  People usually get caught up calling him the “doubter.”

But if we are all honest, hasn’t everyone gone through what Thomas experienced?

Even if you haven’t doubted Jesus’ existence, have you doubted his POWER  in your life?

This is what struck me today as I read this chapter.  Am I believing He’s here, listening to my prayers and actively working on my behalf or not?

Do I need to feel the holes in his hands to remember what he did for me and to know since he died for me, there’s no good thing he would withhold from me?

We would all like to be the disciples who heard and believed.  But sometimes we follow in Thomas’s footsteps, and we just need a sign! (Sometimes, an actual road sign apparently:)

29 Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” 

I didn’t actually see Jesus that day.  But I knew he was there.  I knew he had made sure that I was positioned right under the word spelled out that I needed to see when I doubted.  And I know he will do the same for you as well.

Whisper your doubts to him and wait.

I’ve never doubted his existence again.

This post correlates with the Alive! Book of John Journey, found here:


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